Anticipation and Fear

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Every morning, I walk down this street wondering if last night’s sleep will be the last 8 hour rest I’ll get in 18 months…or 18 years. Our daughter is due February 5th, but the midwives think she may come early so we wait…and wait…and wait.

Anticipation before big change is tough. Your mind plays tricks on you, painting you a picture of the worst case scenario based on nothing concrete. The unsolicited advice from dozens of parents to “Enjoy sleeping while you can” convinced me I won’t sleep again…ever.  My counselor thinks its a defensive mechanism- imagining the worst case scenario so I am pleasantly surprised rather than crippled by reality. He may be right. If I get more than zero sleep, maybe I’ll see it as a gift.

Nonetheless, the anticipation of the unknown causes fear and it’s hard to set that aside. It causes me to see every day just the two of us as a gift. Once our daughter comes, I know we’ll be in love never wanting to return to life before her, but right now, we anticipate and it’s scary.

Having a baby is a risk, the biggest risk one can take. Here’s to learning from it, growing through it, and loving this little daughter of ours.

Now back to waiting…

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